Broken Heart

After posting about my great Birthday weekend I never knew I would be facing something so terrible the next morning. It was 6:15am on Sunday October, 30. Tony's phone rang ( mine was on silent) .  I knew the minute he picked it up that it was my Mother. I could hear her voice. She told Tony that we needed to get to the emergency room asap, because my brother Andy was in the hospital not doing well. I quickly got dressed and was with my Mother in 20 minutes. We were the first ones to arrive. My Dad was out of town. I could not get a hold of Gregor. We finally got in contact with him by getting a hold of his roommate. Right after I got there my Aunt Carol and Jennifer were there shortly after followed by Josh, Cheri, and Rachelle. They finally let us go back and see Andy after waiting for an hour. This is when it finally hit me. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I could not keep it together. I stood with my Mom looking at him, and telling him how much I loved him. He was hooked up to so many machines,his eyes were wide open. I was unable to stay a long time, because I was worried about myself. The patient coordinator helped me walk myself back to the waiting room,and other family members took their turn. Tony at this point was at home with the girls until Sheree got to our house to pick them up. 

We have been told by two Docotors and several nurses that Andy won't make it through this. At this point it's just become a waiting game. My Mother continues to amaze me through this. She has been the strongest one for everyone. She has such a strong faith, and I know we will get through this as a family. We will have good days, and I know we will have really bad days. My emotions have taken over me entirely. Being pregnant is not helping either. I spent all day at the hospital with Andy until I was forced to go home and rest at 7pm. I know I need to rest, and still follow bed rest guidelines. I really don't need Campbell to make his appearance at this time. 

My brother Andy aka "Bub" means the world to me. He is one of the most caring people I know. Llillian and Kerrington also love him so much. Another battle I don't want to face is telling the girls. This will be so hard for me . At this point they don't know anything. Andy has been so good to the girls. I am lucky he has spent so much time with them filling in at a my Moms daycare as she has been attending to me.

I hope Andy continues to rest well at the hospital until the Lord decides it's his turn to go. I will keep those updated as things change.Please continue to pray for my family as we go through this difficult time. 

I love you Andy!

My Birthday Weekend

Thank you all so much for all the Birthday wishes. I had a great Birthday. I spent all day Friday relaxing at home by myself. Friday night I went to my parents house for a steak dinner cooked for me. My Mom also purchased my favorite cake ( Dairy Queen). I finished off the night by opening presents and watching the Cardinals win the World Series. What an awesome game. My girls sang Happy Birthday to me several times. It really was a great day. 

Saturday was jam packed, and I am one tired girl. We relaxed at home in the morning, and picked up a couple of pumpkins before going to lunch at  Haruno's with Josh and Cheri. After lunch the girls had a Birthday party to go to at Springfield Gymnastics.  They had a great time at the party, and burned lots of energy. After the party we came home, had dinner, and carved two pumpkins. I also surprised Lillian with putting pink in her hair. The color will wash out as soon as she takes a bath. I was fixing her hair, and told her I was putting hairspray in it. When we were all finished she wanted to look in the mirror. When looking into the mirror her mouth was wide open, and she was speechless for about 30 secs. She loves her pink hair, and looks in the mirror about every 5 minutes. I asked Kerrington if she wanted pink hair, and she's scared to death of it.  We had a much needed great Saturday.


October is coming to an end very soon. It has been a really rough month for me physically and emotionally. There were so many things I was looking forward to doing with the girls. I wanted to take them to the pumpkin patch, fall festivals, and trick or treat. They will still go trick or treat, but without me. It has been really hard not just reach over, and pick them up. I really miss that the most. On the bright side I still have Campbell growing, and becoming stronger everyday. I hope November goes a little smoother. I am very thankful to still be pregnant, and at home with my family. Bring it on Novemeber we are ready! Happy Halloween to everyone. 

 

We Got Mail

Every evening, when the girls get home, they run to mailbox to get the mail. They have fallen down the driveway, run into each other, and have actually ran into the mailbox. They just love getting the mail. Getting the mail today was extra special- in the mailbox was a Halloween card for them both from Aunt Sharon. Lillian recognized her name on the envelope, and said, " Mommy, can you believe it this one is for me?" I then pointed out Kerrington's card to her, and she got so exctied. Both of the girls ran inside and opened their cards as fast as they could. In each card was a Ziploc baggie filled with Halloween foam stickers. We got out construction paper right then, and put them on the paper. Thank you Aunt Sharon for always thinking of my girls. Wish you lived closer. We love you.

33 Weeks!

I am so happy to be sitting on my couch, and blogging to everyone that I am 33 weeks pregnant today. I'm so glad Campbell and I have made it this far. The success rate at this point is very high. I still am not ready for him to come, but if he did I know he would do great. My Doctor's  have been keeping me really busy with appointments this week. I go now weekly for stress test and ultrasounds. This is just to make sure he is continuing to strive. Campbell does act up sometimes during his stress test. I usually have to drink juice to make him move, because he does not do much of it on his own. One time he still did not move after the juice so the nurse put a stimulator on my belly. This was the craziest thing ever. It's basically a handheld tool that vibrates really hard, and when pushed against my stomach it makes him jump. As soon as she pushed it against my stomach he jolted really hard. It was almost like he was being shocked. Not to mention huge movements like that don't feel the greatest for me either. We do eventually end up passing the test every time, but most of the time Campbell has to have a little help. My Doctor told me this is completely normal, because he simply does not have much room to move. I am happy to say today we passed it with flying colors. I did not even need the juice.


During the ultrasound they check my amniotic fluid levels. I do get to look at him, but he's really hard to see. I don't get pictures because his face is hidden most of the time. Campbell is head down, but facing up looking at me. You want the baby to be face down. The delivery process can sometimes be a little harder if they are face up. I am hoping he will turn his little head, but it's looking like he's pretty comfortable where he's at. 


I have lost a bunch of weight from being in and out of the hospital. My total weight gain with this entire pregnancy is 10LBS. Crazy!! Accoring to ultrasound he's almost half of that. I wish I could pack on some pounds. You would think with sitting at home not exercising I would not have a problem. Maybe I'll start eating ice cream three times a day. Does that count? Kidding. Overall, I am feeling pretty good. Very tired, but thankful I am still a pregnant Momma at 33 weeks. Sorry no belly pictures. Here is me today during stress test. 

My Bookworm!

Tony and I have been taking the girls to the library about every two weeks. That's about how long you can check out books for. The girls each take a backpack and fill up their own bags. We read to them at the library too. Lillian is a little bit picky with her books. Kerrington on the other hand wants lots and lots of books. She is not satisfied unless her backpack is completely full. 

As soon as we get home Kerrington lays out all of her books in the floor, and will go through each one very carefully. We read each book several times over and over again. Lillian likes to read too, but Kerrington loves to read. She is very proud of her books. After reading a book a couple of times she will have most of it memorized. I think she is going to be like her Daddy. Tony loves to read, and reads very quickly. Reading a couple big books in one day is nothing to him. I hope both of my girls continue to read and enjoy it like they do now. It's a lot better then sitting in front of the TV. These past few weeks at the hospital and home I have had the chance to catch up on reading. I am really enjoying it. I am in the middle of a 17 book series. I have taken some pictures of my little bookworm, and hope you enjoy.

Buddy Breakfast

Every year Lillian's school host a " Buddy Breakfast". This is for Father's and Daughters only. Each year they have a different theme. This year it was a western theme. As most of you know Lillian is a big Daddy's girl. Anytime she can get with just her Daddy by herself she takes advantage of it. They do a lot of special things together. They both really enjoy eating spicy foods together. I sent Tony with the camera and video camera to the class hoping for a lot of pictures. I even asked him to have someone at the Breakfast take a picture of the two of them together. I would have done it before they left the house, but Lillian had spent the night with a friend that night. Well, they came back, and only with two pictures. Two is better then none right? I'm glad they got some time together, and love my little cowgirl. I can't wait till Kerrington gets to have her turn. 

Lillian goes to sibling class!

Lillian on Saturday got to attend a sibling class at the hospital. The class was for 3-5 year olds who were expecting a little baby brother or sister. She was very excited to go. Before leaving the house she picked out a baby doll to take with her. I was happy to be able to attend the class with her. 

Anywhere I go that involves walking  I have to ride in a wheelchair. Lillian really enjoys sitting next to me in the wheelchair and be pushed. It's not so bad when you're the one getting pushed. I remember pushing Sheree around in the wheelchair, and it was awful trying to get that thing around. I do not miss it. I am anxious to go somewhere with her so she can see where I'm coming from....


They started the class with giving each child a toilet paper roll, and some toys. If the toy could fit through the roll it was too small for a baby. If it did not fit in roll it was ok for a baby to have. I loved this idea, and we are going to use this at home. 

At the class Lillian got to make two crafts. The first one was a bear with balloons that will get turned into a plate. Second, was a sign to put on the baby's bed in the hospital. After the crafts she got to go see  the newborn nursery, and see the babies. I don't think she realized how small a newborn really is. After seeing the nursery they took them into a hospital room to show where I would stay when the baby is born. She was a little bored with that part, because I have already been in the hospital room twice. I think she would have been eligible to give that tour. We finished the class with snack and a movie. I thought it was a great class, and glad I got to attend it  with her. I was really sad Kerrington could not go she would've loved it. I hope you enjoy the pictures!

Walking into class

Waiting for classmates

Holding bean bag to see how much a newborn weighs

Trying toys in toilet paper roll

Coloring paper for plate

Making sign for baby's bed

Looking at babies in nursery

Showing off her certificate for completing class

Lillian and Mom decorating toilet paper roll for home! I love how she likes to make everything pretty!

Here we go again!!!

Well, Tuesday afternoon I had some bleeding. I tried holding off and ignoring the situation for a while. At noon I told myself that I needed to go. It was the last thing I wanted to do. Tony came home from work and to the hospital we went. By the time I got to the hospital the bleeding had slowed way down to nothing. They wanted to do an ultrasound before I left. They came into the room right after, and said my fluid levels were really low, and I needed to come back the next day to get it checked. I thought oh boy! Why does this stuff always keep happening to me??? 

I went to my high risk Dr the next day ( Wednesday) and we performed another ultrasound at that appointment. It was then I found out I did not have low on levels, and my Dr basically told me whoever did the ultrasound messed up. Encouraging huh? I then went into the office to talk my Dr, and he told me he thought I should be admitted. Totally shocked. I asked if I could go home, and get a few things. His answer was no. I was pretty upset, and happy that I was not alone. Since, I have been here I have had no bleeding. They have started a second round of steroid shots for Campbell's lungs. If nothing continues to go wrong I will be sent home, and to never return until this baby is coming out. I have 5 weeks until he is term. I know we can do it. I am so thankful we have made it this far. 

I am very worn out, and tired of being in a hospital. I just tell myself there are people who have it way worse then I do. I hate being away from my family when I am in here. Get's very depressing. I hope I don't have to come back until he's ready to come. Tony will be going to Chicago Saturday and Sunday to meet his parents to get our new car. I really hope we can have a smooth weekend. Makes me a little worried being 9 hours away. Thank you to everyone who has sent me encouraging words, and thank you to my Mommy who takes such good care of my babies when I can't. Also. to Tony. He has been so supportive. I really do have it made. Love you all!

Campbell's Shower

Saturday was Campbell's baby shower. I had such a great time, and am so thankful I still had a baby inside at the shower. 

My shower was at Cherry Berry, and I got share it with my family and friends. Kerrington went with me too. Lillian wanted no part of it. Sheree did a great job. I am just taking everything at this point day by day, and thanking God daily for keeping Campbell growing everyday. I will leave you with some pictures of my shower. 

 

What a week it was...

It all started last Sunday morning. I woke up to quite the surprise. Bleeding. I just remember being scared, and not knowing what to do. I called my Mom looking for answers, and we decided I should call my doctor. After being on hold for 20 minutes I decided I would just call labor and delivery, and talk to a nurse. While all the phone calls were going on I quickly got into the bath to calm myself down. I knew Campbell was doing fine, because he was moving, and I checked his heartbeat with my doppler at home. After speaking with the nurse she told me I needed to come in and be evaluated. I got out of the bath, and told Tony we needed to take the girls to my parents. 


We checked into triage, and I was seen right away. Within 20 minutes of me arriving at the hospital the Doctor told me he was going to put me in a room, and to count on staying for an overnight visit. I was ok with an overnight visit. I couldn't know at that time it was going to turn into 6 night stay. I was in my room for a couple of hours when all of the sudden I started contracting. The nurse was watching my monitors from the nurse's station, and came in with the doctor. It was then that I was told they had to start me on magnesium, and give Campbell some steroid shots for his lungs in case he decided to come or the bleeding did not stop. I don't know if you have ever been on magnesium, but it is the absolute worst thing in world. I have had to get it with all my pregnancies. Your vision changes, legs become jello, can't get out of the bed, makes you feel like your entire body is on fire, your heart rate drops, and your blood pressure drops. The reason for the magnesium is that it helps with neuro development of the baby, and can stop contractions. Two very important reasons. It is by far the worst stuff. I had to do it for 12 hours. After the 12 hours was up the contractions stopped, and so had the bleeding. 

Since I was doing so well I got to be moved out of labor and delivery into a regular room. I was told by one Doctor that if nothing changed I could go home the next day (Wednesday). I was very excited for that news. I could not wait to get back home to my family. The girls did not like me being in the hospital. 


Tuesday night Tony brought the girls up to see me, and we ate dinner together. When it was time to leave Lillian just melted. She did not want to leave. Lillian and I both were crying. I knew my Mom planned on coming up in a little bit so I called and asked if Lillian could stay the night with her, because she was not ready to leave me yet. She ended up staying longer, and going home with my Mom. That was so hard for me to see her so upset. I tried to hold back the tears, but I just couldn't. Everyone was gone by 8:30 Tuesday night. I was looking forward to a good nights rest. This was my first night in my new room. I went to bed at 9pm , and woke up at midnight with more bleeding and contractions. 


The nurse came in, and told me I was going to be taken back to labor and delivery. Contractions were 2 minutes apart, and were hurting really bad. I was alone, and got really scared. I called Tony and my Mom, and asked someone to come be with me to get me through this. At this point I had no idea what the staff was going to do. Tony woke Kerrington up in the middle of the night, and quickly took her to my parents. He was at the hospital by 1:00am. I was already back in labor and delivery at this point.


It was then when I found out I was going to have to do another 12 hours of magnesium. I just started crying. They did not get it started until 4am, becuase they were also doing other test to make sure I was not leaking any fluid. We found out I was not leaking any. I lay in the bed for the next 12 hours just counting down the minutes until it was over. The IV bag with magnesium ran out 2 hours before it was suppose to be done. Since the magnesium stopped the contractions the doctor went ahead and took me off of it. I was very thankful for that. After an hour of being off of it I was told I could go back to my old room, and if nothing happened I could go home in a day. I was determined that nothing would happen and I would be going home to my family in one day. 


I had a great night that night, and was looking forward to being released that day. The doctor came in around 2:00, and that is when I was given the news that I was going to be there for 3-4 more days. I immediately started crying, and could not keep it together. I was so upset because I had really gotten my hopes up. All I could do was lay in the bed and cry. My Mom was with me, and she kept trying to say things that would make me feel better, and it was not working. My sister in law was there shortly after receiving the news too. We decided that I should move into a private room since I was going to be there longer then planned. We moved all my stuff into my new room, and that's where I spent the next few days. 


My Mom asked me that day what we could do to make this better, and my only response was that I did not want to be alone. She was determined to come up with a plan so I did not have to be there by myself anymore. I got a call from Tony that afternoon telling me he was going to spend the night with me that night. It really made everything better. He spent the night, and still managed to go to work the next day. 


Thursday afternoon my high risk doctor came to see me, and told me I did not need to be on any of medications the other doctor put me on.  And, since I had no bleeding or contractions in 48 hours, he was going to chart that I could go home the next day. I was very happy about that. My Mom spent the night with me on Thursday night, and we waited for the doctor to come in and discharge me. He made it to me around 10:30am and I finally left at 3:30pm. That's how long it took!!!!


The hardest part about my week last week was being away from my girls. Also, my OB was on vacation all week so everyday I was seeing two new doctors, and I felt like none of them were communicating. One would tell me one thing, and another doctor would tell me another. I would get so frustrated. 


I was sent home on "modified" bed rest. I will be going to weekly appointment and ultrasounds for the rest of the pregnancy. I did not care what I was going home on I just wanted to be at home. I finally got out of there, and waited at my parents for Tony to pick us up. The girls were so happy to see me out of there, and I was so happy to be out. 


I don't know how I could have got through last week without Tony and Mom. They did so much, and did whatever I needed when I needed it. They provided me with so much support. Tony and I are so lucky to have my Mom so close to us. She is always there when we need her regardless of what time it is. Thank you Mom for all you do!! 


My goal now is to keep Campbell inside for a long time. I am going to be extra careful. I do not want to go back to that hospital until I am 37 weeks. I want a full term, healthy baby more then anything. Thank you to all who supported me last week.

Time to catch up!

  Wow, I can't believe that it's almost been one month since I have wrote on my blog. So much has happened since. I will start by talking about our trip to Maryland...

  We had such a great time with Tony's family and with my parents. I was really happy for my parents to get to see where we visited some. The beach was beautiful. The girls are still talking about it today. They can't wait to go back again. We got to eat at some of my favorite places, and tried new places too. Thanks to Tony's parents for being so accommodating, and good to our girls.

The special thing about this trip was that it was our last vacation as a family of four. Next time there will five of us! We had a great visit, and wish we could visit more often. Enjoy the pictures.